Isabella

sebubu @ 2007-04-20T11:57:00

2007-04-20T03:57:24Z

okay. so summer isn't quite working out for me. everything that makes my other summers great are temporarily not here. as in nada. kara's in macau, vivi's in taiwan, fema has a job, and aisa, and all my other friends have summer classes. this is so stupid. it's summer and i should be having fun. waking up to face the computer isn't really fun.

i wish miriam had required summer classes. my life is downright boring. it's not a good thing when i recall dvd marathons, and surfing the internet as the two things i did in a day. oh, and what sucks more is i don't have any money. no funds at all to go out and visit my friends, or to watch a movie, or to buy a new dress. i'm so bored. oh and to add to that, the people i whine this all to are busy.

it's only april and my life is so BLAH.

it's like i want to die because my life is so uneventful. i wish i got sick so people will pay attention to my being. my life feeds on the people around me, and those people aren't really around me right now. having me for company isn't necessarily the greatest thing. being stuck with me is like having two overthinkers who overanalyzes everything then overthinks their lives some more then don't accept what they just thought so they end up rethinking and rethinking some more.

i'm 18, and everything in my life has its balance. the good and the bad. the good being i love myself, i have good friends, and a loving well-rounded family. the bad being i know i have all these things yet i still feel so competely alone and discontent.

yes. in other words, I NEED A BOYFRIEND. i need someone that will take my mind off of the overthinking me. someone that will give me problems to worry about. someone who will verify my stupidity and make me feel good about it.

so i know what i want, next step is.. WHO DO I WANT?

i know i want somebody, problem is, WE'RE FRIENDS, and, that he already has a somebody. the love of my life that i almost had that i never really fully appreciated, until only about months and months ago when he already has a girlfriend. it sucks, but at least i know what i want. i have this thinking that maybe i just shouldn't date around, and that i'm just gonna be completely unavailable to other men and be totally available for him. is that stupid?? maybe i'm just saying that 'cause i keep having sucky guys???

with sucky guys, the most recent would be james.

you know guys that are complete players? as in not the self-proclaimed nagfefeeling ako ones but the actual self-proclaimed real thing ones?

i finally encountered one, and that would be james. it's actually quite an experience. i had fun with him, you know? like actual fun, very little emotion, flirt buddy summer fling kind of way.

i now know how they function. they look good, they tell you what you want to hear, then they make reasons to fight with you then leave. the first few days that i found out that he's a real player, i was crushed. i almost fell, and i took a risk with him, so why shouldn't i be? i kept thinking of how these guys get off from being that, and then i realize, they just do. DAMN HIS GENES AND HIS HOT BODY.

so.. NOW WHAT?

now, i don't know what to feel good about. it's like, yes, they miss their chances at happiness from missing actual functional relationships, but it's not like they care. they just think that every girl is just another number in their list of girls had. karma's gonna hit them bad, but it's not going to change them. it's cause they never really recognize what's already real and what's aready in front of them. it's stupid.

if there's one thing i know i can feel good at, it's that he probably thinks i cried over him, that i miss him, but i actually don't.

and no i'm not just saying this 'cause i'm bitter.

these players may think that they outnumbered their girls and that they had the best of them, but truth is they don't. that's where players come out as losers. they play, but they never really win at anything. they are the lowest of low, kumbaga they aren't even heartbreakers or cheaters. they are cowards, afraid to actually give off real emotions, and the women actually sense these things, so they never really give off their real selves. once the playing games are done and over with, the players think they outdid the girls, when truth is they don't. they live in a lie that is being fed to their egos, and what big egos they are.

in other words, THE GIRLS NEVER LOSE ANYTHING, BUT THEY DON'T NECESSARILY WIN OR GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT EITHER. pero you know what? i'll settle for that.

so i haven't been a great blogger

2005-12-16T16:27:32Z

i haven't been writing for SO long and SO much has happened that i just can't keep up, let alone type and blog it.

mi familia's never better. lately relatives are coming home for vacations and stuff and we are the ones to just show them around the place. tito alex gave me ten dollars. i'll take any cash this christmas season. hahah! my lola son's coming home the 21st. i'm looking forward to actually being with her, she seems nice on the phone. then there's lolo jr, i really want to meet him considering he gave me all his past cameras and i'm always appreciative of those two cameras. (one extremely antique, and one just lowtech) some feel really awkward when it comes to their relatives but i don't. it's amazing what stories my lolas have, besides, they have clothes, you know, vintage ones, and they give it to me, and i am very much appreciative of them. o diba? it's a win-win situation. hahaha

school. nothing stressful about it really. i guess i'm lucky with the teachers i get. subjects aren't so hard considering ms. adame has cooled down, my psych teacher is lazy, my new major subject teacher is new, pinoi teacher is an activist slash theater person, oh and get this - stat is even fun for me.

hb's great. it's just that lately we've really divided because half of the barkada is in some other block and even if we do have same break times it's just really hard for us to be together-together like before. all of us are still the same though, so i guess we're all good.

*december 2nd, 2005*

to cut one hell of a long story short - i got to see acky again.

i had quite a series of unlucky events considering i commuted in different places (from katipunan to sandiganbayan, then from sandiganbayan to fairview, then from fairview to ust), all by myself, in a uniform, carryin a paperbag full of clothes. it was a good thing i had my mp3 player (as usual), my cellphone, and my money.

as soon as i got to ust, which was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG drive, i totally jumped up and down when i got to see lao and rexa. we then freshened up a bit, (cause hello? i'm going to see acky in a few minutes so i gotta look great) so when he texted that i go to the "college of educ." we then went.

i got to see him again, he was wearing his black shirt with pants. he looked good, he lost a few pounds. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. HE LOSES A LOT OF WEIGHT WHILE I GAIN A LOT. bute na lang he wore this stupid black headband, cause i really hate men who were headbands, etc. and i was telling him to take it off but he won't kasi according to him his hair was long na daw. without that headband he would've looked good, so thank god for the headband. hahah.

when i did get to see him, we just had a small talk (small talk of the worst kind) for like two minutes then we hugged. HE HAD THE SAME SMELL. (god, why on earth do i torture myself?)

that moment onwards, i was grateful for my friends.

that night he even texted. nothing important...

acky. acky. acky.

*december 10-11, 2005*

aisa's debut was fun. i was emceeing with ate bec, aisa's older sister. robin, and the others said i was great, and i believe i did, considering it was a small crowd, but i was really nervous when i was at the front. i got to hang with my old friend, itan. i got to have new friends, aisa's three blockmates, and then there's fugfug and gerald. it was great considering aisa enjoyed, plus, i got to dance, swim, etc.and have fun while sleeping. overnights are great. my god are my friends vain. (pictures to come soon) what else? i had my first ballroom dance (kuno) with Itan. hahah!

kiko (my ex). hmm, i had a chance to be with him (well physically). every cigarette break, me and the boys hang downstairs where we smoke. itan kept asking about stupid things. i was so open and eager to getting to talk to him so that we'd be friends but he won't nudge. he would just look down at the floor. he won't even say a thing to me. it was a major big thing that we hugged.

pero if you think about it really, i was like, HELLO KIKO? here is the perfect oppurtunity for us to bury the hatchet about everything but no, you had to just look down at that stupid floor. ewan.

aisa enjoyed her day. the barba's are just the cutest family.

we then went home to my house so that us four, vivi, fema aisa and me can watch the video we've made for aisa. we made her cry, which meant that our mission was accomplished, but what i didn't expect was that even me, fema and vivi cried. it was really awesome that it happened. it was like a kodak moment that was meant to be shared by only the four of us. aww! we then ended that perfect morning with a delicious corned beef and scrambled egg with sinangag. yumm.

and a perfect ending for my ultra long entry:

a text i received from lori just now.

Isa! your gift was the best christmas gift! ü Ka-level nya ung hello kitty water gun and ariel little mermaid doll and mermaid barbie doll na mga favorite xmas gifts ko noon pa! ü I was really surprised that u had a gift for me.. Na-shock ata ako ng 25 percent! At pili pa, hindi mass gift 4 all.ü Ang special ko. ü Thank you isa.. napasaya mo ako sa little gips mo. ü Sana bigyan ka ng reward ni santa this christmas, goodnight! :D

sebubu @ 2005-12-14T22:12:00

2005-12-14T14:47:41Z

christmas is coming really soon. i hate it.

my god, ria (i know, feeling close right?) -- I FEEL YOU.

2005-11-30T15:23:21Z

Nahihirapan na ang aking isip
Nauubusan na ng sasabihin sa 'yo
Nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo sa 'kin, giliw

Nalilito ako
Nais kong sagipin ang ating nalulunod na pag-ibig
Ngunit handa akong palayain ka

CHORUS
Kung ito ang iyong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin, ibibigay sa 'yo
Ang tanging pakiusap lang, 'wag mo akong kalimutan
Kay rami pang dadaan na pagsubok sa ating pag-ibig
Kakayanin ko kaya babawiin ko
Ang mga nasabi na masasakit na salita

Kung ito ang iyong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin, ibibigay sa 'yo
Nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo
(Nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo) [3x]

sorry dearest blog for having neglected you.

2005-11-30T15:01:09Z

ok, so i haven't been writing, it's just that i think i'm always tired. not that anything in my life is stressful really, or maybe i'm just saying the wrong word. maybe i'm not always tired, i;m just always lazy. god, i'm such a fatass.

i need to stop eating, i need to stop hanging around in katipunan having food trips here and there. i need to start using a cup for my rice so that i won't eat more than what a regular diet person eats. i need to have control over myself before i really get fat.

before i just kept saying that it's ok if i get fat, just as long as i eat all the things i want. NOW i realize that it is so wrong. i wouldn't be saying it now 'cause obviously i'm gaining weight, my forearms are so wide, and i loved them when they were just so tiny. i now totally commit to myself by dieting through leaving half of my daily allowance at home. wish me luck. hahah.

what's great about diets is that i have ja and ziggy with me. hahahah.

what else?

i have a new fave song - Moonstar88's Fall on Me.

ngapala, i had the one of the worsts commute on the way home, traffic sucked and i was stuck in a crappy fx and the only thing that was keeping me sane was my mp3 player.

lately, it seems like my mp3 player has been my savior. technology is SO NOT OVERRATED.

hahah.

weird weird weird

2005-11-23T00:04:03Z

i just woke up from a fucked-up dream. i swear, it was weird. he actually came over and shit and asked if we could be together again. then i remembered me going inside my house and asking my parents if i could have a boyfriend and they actually said yes. what's crappy about it is the fact that i think i was the one who wanted badly to be back with him and then he, on the other hand, was just forced into it. besides, i would never ask my parents if i can have a boyfriend. what the hell does this mean? dreams are so weird. it must have been the fish i ate yesterday. i wasn't even sedated, and now i want to be. i don't get it. freakin a that dream of mine. i mean, why him? why on earth would i want him back?

this is the song. lalalala. elmo song.

2005-11-21T00:55:18Z

did u know that:

1. lately acky's been texting. it's so NOT at all a send-to-all message. i don't have load so i can't reply. i do, really, want to reply; but then again, i feel great when i don't reply. don't get me wrong though, he's still My One and Only.

2. i got me a good grade in ms. adame's class last semester. I got a 3.0. hell yeah! oh and get this, a few meetings ago she actually praised my work. i made this outline of things i want to learn about this second semester and out of three students, mine was the best. i'm so proud. it's really rare to be praised by ms. adame and i'm glad i experienced it in this lifetime.

3. i watched harry potter last wednesday and it was great. cho chang isn't really what i expected, and cedric diggory (the one i thought was extremely cute and hot in the posters) seemed gay. the quidditch effects were improving, i swear. they're really good. characters are growing up, and it all happened so fast. aww.

4. i'm amazed. the no-talking to iza thing was getting easier and easier. i thought it'd be hard for me since i do have a conscience (kahit papano) and now, it just isn't. it's different pala when you know that the person your mad at has no idea on how to have a conscience and be a friend in the first place. hahah.

5. i now have my first bikini. it's a black and white hawaiian print and it's just cute. i'm so proud 'cause i got to purchase it for 350 and it's actually a perfect fit, considering "wala akong hinaharap."

6. my braces can be taken off already, it's just that this one tooth in my lower right won't nudge and move to its rightful place.

7. i'm gaining weight. i'm such a fat-ass lately. i blame katips for having delicious lunch meals for me every single break time. hahah.

sebubu @ 2005-11-12T02:10:00

2005-11-11T18:22:33Z

what if you realized that the only reason why everything seems to be a mess is because you ignored those stupid chain letters in ym, in the mail or in friendster that everyone keeps passing around? hahah

i'm reminiscing..

2005-11-11T16:08:09Z

oh god,,

you know what i remembered while i was in the fx early morning, along commonwealth ave.? i remembered my first gimmick in robinson's place metro east. it was with acky. it was a friday, a school day and it was kathy's birthday. we had an outreach program where doctors and dentists moms and dads were treating the kids. i even borrowed micai's school jacket and i was with chonx and micai at coffee beanery. we met up with ml there and then we went out to rp.

acky was uber late and i got angry 'cause he was just in his 'pambahay'. it turns out he just came from basketball practice. he was late because the coach didn't want him to leave. he then told the coach, "this is much more important than basketball." oh god.. i won't ever forget this day. we just walked around rp, he bought a shirt in prp pa nga that said "take your shirt off" and he even accused some guy that he was the sales person. we then bought, umm, straws ata in the grocery, for their store. hmm.. what else? oh.. that was the day that he told me this in the rp parking lot..

"isa, (pauses) i like you."

"i like you a lot."

my jaw just dropped just then and there and it was just one of the happiest days of my life.

sebubu @ 2005-11-07T08:29:00

2005-11-07T00:47:57Z

i've been reading my own entries, and little by little i realized how the rush i always have whenever i write has lowered down. it's either i'm just too negative and cynical about a few things.. or, i'm just plain lazy and tired to write. it's time i turn it up a notch. i made a new rule for my writing self - if i intend to put something entirely negative, i have to make sure that i put in something positive in the next topic or something.

How to Deal is such a crappy song. You know, the one Frankie J sang. It's one of those typical "rnb" slow songs that depresses-you-and-rips-you-apart type of songs but for some reason i let this one get to me. I let this one get to me and what i hate most about it is the fact that i let it get to me EVERY FCUKIN SINGLE TIME i hear it. when i get to the point that i get really sad about everything i get this feeling that my heart's LITERALLY pounding hard and i find it really hard to breathe. maybe it's acky, maybe it's the fact that at times i just feel really alone, i don't know. i just hate it 'cause i never realized that i'd get to this point where i'm getting really really worse.

it's like i'm stuck in a whirlpool and up til now i'm thinking of ways to get out of it.

understatement of the year:

then again, god's just busy writing the best love story for me.

"The broken watch you gave me turns into a compass
It's two hands still point to the same time 12:03, our last goodbye "

tagaytay

2005-11-06T17:04:44Z

lovers in tagaytay

bummin around sa crv

i am such a daddy's girl

my hot bitches are such camwhores

2005-11-06T16:46:17Z

spot jermie and orville... hahah! dating at baluarte. aww!! ishweet!

not much of morning persons... we eat our breakfasts at 12. imagine that. hahah

me, my girlfriend and cookie.

miriamites... excluding aesa... aww aesa!!

aww kodak moment

the boys of vigan. first is jerm's boyfriend - orville. dane's cassie, mae's eric, popo's jj, cate's john and dwayne, or duane.. sorry... i don't really how to spell his name. harhar.

the beautiful and the bootipul debutante - janina carine singson medina

on layouts and things

2005-11-04T20:17:45Z

i haven't really updated as much, i've been busy with layouts. i never seem to be contented with just one, and as much as i want to learn it, i can't. asar noh? i finally found the perfect layout.

screenshot:

my lifetime friend

it's been awhile since we talked. i'm glad we can still find time to have a 'telebabad' here and there. i wish you didn't mention going out tomorrow at Greenbelt with Miko and Beng and all the others. i want to go tuloy. then again, i'm sure we can still hang sometime, kahit dito lang sa bahay. I miss seeing you being afraid of porkchop inside this friggin house. hahah! love you Karots!

btw, i know this may sound impossible, but i still have lots of things i have to tell you. hahah!

school

school is up and coming on the 8th. i haven't really thought about it 'til now. i wonder if i will be having new blockmates considering block 10 got divided into two. now there's section 14 and 19. i'm content with the fact that i still have ziggy, jerm, janina, iza and mae for my blockmates (i love my hot bitches) but i hate hate hate the fact that i won't get to be with popo, dane, cookie, cate and marianne anymore. oh well. same break time means same katip places ok? as for block ten, nothing would compare to my first ever college block. hey, there will be new teachers, new subjects, new everything - good luck nalang sakin. hahah

seeing whatever it is god has to offer

2005-11-02T18:13:24Z

Excited. First of all, I get to see Janina. Secondly, Vigan would be my very first outing with my friends, and thirdly, it's my very first Vigan experience. Bus rides were great. Cookie and I just kept on blabbering about so many things and we just kept on going and going - Hah! The others didn't get to sleep! Asar. Bus rides just gave me a reality check 'cause everyone had their "someones" with them. Next time, next time talaga. Hahah! BTW, I had two new friends. First is Ate Lilly, and then there's Dwayne. Dwayne's always ready for pictures. Ang manliligaw ni Cate. Hahah! I also got closer to my other friends and got to know them better, that'd be Diday, Aesa and Cate, and the boyfriends of all the others.

See how this baby tiger looks so scary,

and then cute at the next pose.

I have a new calling. I SO want to be a vet. Animals are the sweetest cutest little creatures and I just want to take care of them. Baluarte was one of the greatest places and experiences of my life. I got to hug a monkey for the first time. I got to pet a baby tiger with my girlfriend Jermie, and I got to have a snake around my neck. It was so funny. It was Iza by the head of the snake, me in the middle, and then Jermie at the end with the snake's tail. Scary. The head kept moving right at our faces, while the snake's tail was slithering at Jermie's legs. We were moving on circles. Scariest seconds of my life, and too bad we didn't get to have our picture.

Here's, as what Mae calls it, our "Taj Mahal" hotel, the wonderful Playa de Oro. I'll miss walking those halls, rushing for stuff and walking back and forth to the beach. I'll miss checking up on the uber-drunk people after every night. Our first inuman was by the beach. Had a couple shots of MP here and there, nothing major or anything. It didn't hit me at all. I was so sober that instead of enjoying drinks and booze, I enjoyed the beach. I swam on the spot. It was another first time experience. Who got drunk? Hmm, that'd be a long list. Who stayed sober and took care of the drunk? Me, Jerm, Orville, Eric, Dwayne, Ate Lilly, JJ, Mac and Jemi.

The beach will forever have stories of the greatest Vigan experience.

Pokras Hamster wag ka na malalasing uupakan kita!

Mommy and Daddy! Congratulations to the both you. Congratulations for having handled the situation very well, and for what's next for you guys. I wish nothing but the best for the both of you.

The debutante was the most beautiful and bootypul gal in the crowd. Ja danced, she was so good she made J. Lo look boring.

Thank you Janina.

I sucked at my speech, so I want a do-over.

Ja, I'm giving you the treasure of memories. I made my research and found this:

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." - From the Wonder Years

You have given me nothing but true friendship for the past months and I couldn't be any happier. You are always the one who's there whenever I'm the biggest crybaby in school. You are the one who spoke for me whenever I'm a wreck. You make me appreciate the simple things in life, like making "himay" the chicken, Beef Bowl in Bento Box, Photoshop, or enjoying every little detail in a dress or a clothing. Sana we'll have more memories. Through these memories, I'll always make sure that I'll hold onto you and who you are, and I will never lose you, like you will never lose me. I lab u my peyborit friend!

ang lagi kong tinatanaw sa takot at sa lungkot ay ito.

2005-10-31T15:28:07Z

i came, i saw, i conquered.

2005-10-26T17:36:51Z

The four of us actually survived Divisoria.

(Disclaimer: forgive the big font sizes. i'm just too tired to write.)

Vigan, here I come!

i love dancing.

2005-10-25T23:46:56Z

and from the great words of kaskade... my latest craze...

Miko Miko Miko. Hahahahah

(kidding)

Kaskade - Steppin Out
Here we are
We've come so far
To find romance
Steppin' out to dance

Your lovely charms
In my arms
Sudden climbs
Steppin' out to dance
To dance

Could you think it over?
When we get older
I still want you here with me
Darling, I hope that you agree

There's something that takes place
Whenever we embrace
I'm hoping that you took this chance
Steppin' out to dance

Here we are
We've come so far

Could you think it over?
When we get older
I still want you here with me
Darling, I hope that you agree

There's something that takes place
Whenever we embrace
I'm hoping that you took this chance
Steppin' out

Could you think it over?
When we get older
I still want you here with me
Darling, I hope that you agree

There's something that takes place
Whenever we embrace
I'm hoping that you took this chance
Steppin' out to dance...

ooofff...

these words never sounded any better. someday this will be my song for someone, and we'll be dancing the whole night through. just him and me, and we'd dance like nobody and nothing else mattered. i'm just wishing i'll figure out who that someone will be. hahahah.

i realized how intact my tear ducts are lately.

see, this is different than my past tears.

NAH, THESE THINGS AREN'T SHED FOR ACKY.

(I told you this was different.)

these tears have always been shed for movies and music videos.

very recently...

i don't know why but i just got so affected with the new Kelly Clarkson video. I adore her. I really love her songs.. well, so far.

there's this Korean movie I watched with my girls called My Little Bride.

then, there's this movie called Happy Times.

God. I so have a soft spot for father daughter things.

I wonder why.. Hmm...

a few things on my mind.

2005-10-24T19:44:56Z

I am loving this new layout. Check this out.

Anyways, I finally had a talk with Ja. I really missed her. I didn't really get the chance to show her how much I did miss her, due to certain sucky circumstances.Although, we had more important things to talk about. By the way, she only need a 3.5 to be a Dean's Lister and I'm hoping she gets it. She deserves a good grade, most especially a good grade in Miss Adame's class. Hahah.

Ja, I'm telling you, you becoming a Dean's Lister? It's in the bag.

Just when you think that you've got it bad, you get to talk about the others and then you'll see how really good you've got it. Seriously.

First of all.

I had a friend open up to me and as much as it feels good to be shared secrets with, it sucks so bad because I just can't do anything to help her out. Sometimes I just think that being a friend isn't enough. I have to have some super powers just so I can actually do something about it. Reality check. I don't have super powers. I definitely cannot make things better. It sucks.

Secondly.

I keep complaining about being a Filipino and I had this awesome chat with Jaime. Guess what? I actually learned something from him. He "lectured" me. He kept on blabbering that I should go to Canada and live there so that I'll know what I'm missing out on. He says it's nice out there in Canada but he'd rather be here in Philippines, or as what he calls it- home. He says I'll miss the weather, the cheap stuff, the people, the no drinking age, family values, etc. It was really funny 'cause after some time I realized that he was making perfect sense.

Maybe I should rethink about what I've been saying my whole life about this Pinoy thing.

I still am a hater on the government though.

Anyways, I enjoyed this day. I got to hang out with Fema and Vivi and enjoy our simple pleasures in life. i.e. street food and sari-sari foodies. Hahah.

NOTE TO SELF:

If I would look at Acky's friendster, maybe I should remind myself to expect the worst. His picture is just ridiculous. It had him and Ionna in it. No offense to Ionna 'cause we're cool and all but seeing him and her together just made me want to puke my brains out. I swear. At that moment I really felt like making some creep voodoo black magic on Ionna, or maybe it should be on Acky. Hahahah.

If you think about it, Ionna's ok, fine. She was looking out for her best friend. Fine. I get that, but I just wish that she would consider hearing me out and finding out my side of the story. It's bad ennough that she has labeled me as the villanous kontra bida or something but the fact that she does hang out with Acky and she can say anything about me is driving me nuts. I'm worried about what Acky thinks of me, although I doubt if it can get any worse.

Ewan.

-isa

sebubu @ 2005-10-14T13:48:00

2005-10-14T05:51:23Z

October 10, 2005

POOTACHING

Having no internet prepaid sucks, but having no money to buy an internet prepaid card sucks more than ever most especially when it’s your sembreak and you can’t do anything better in your life than just hang around and do nothing. Not that I am complaining or anything, I’m just so bored at the moment that I can turn nuts any minute. My mind has gone kaput. Boredom just takes the best of me.

My phone’s missing due to my stupidity. I’m getting the hang of it and I am also realizing how good it has affected me. No late night texts with Acky just because I miss him, no I-feel-so-bad-because-Acky-doesn’t-text nights, there’s none of that and it just feels good. Then again, I can’t keep in touch with my friends. It sucks so badly. I’m just hoping my dad would still buy me a new one.

People are so much better when they are sober. Seriously. I hate seeing my friends get all drunk and puke on everything just because some girl or guy screwed them over. I hate having to be the one who takes care of them when they are drunk. I hate it when they get all emotional and shit. It’s what happened last Friday. It made me proud to be a non-drinker. Graduate nako non noh!

I’ve been doing nothing but photoshop for the past few days and what can I say? I am enjoying my works. Hahah. I’m going to make my own project and compile pictures of my hot bitches. Gaya gaya ako kay JA, sorry na.

Last Saturday, I had one decent serious talk with Fema. We discussed on a lot of things, and it was fun getting to talk to her again on a serious level. I had different revelations on the case of the ex, on how strong our group (I.V.F.A.) has gotten through this years, and on so many other things. I ridiculously love that sister-in-law of mine. Hahahah!

-isa

world of pure imagination

2005-09-30T19:28:55Z

(Just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.)

And as I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes, what a beautiful sight
Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
But I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired
-------

Ah, great lyrics from a musical genius named Jason Mraz.

I keep having this dream that I am reaching out my hands to Acky as if my life depended on it and then Acky appears and offers his hand. As I grab onto it, he then lets me go and I just suddenly wake up crying.

------

I find myself walking in circles, not at all getting places in my life. Seriously. I'm at that same rotten point in my life where nothing has been going right. It's like this deep hole that I keep getting into. What sucks most about it is the fact that I can't get out, no matter what I do; and if I tried, nobody's there to help me out.

Take note of this, this isn't just about Acky, this is about me finding no purpose at all nowadays to live. It's this feeling of emptiness. This is about me saying that I have nothing to hang onto in my life.

Seriously.

hay buhay.

2005-09-27T16:37:11Z

dear emilio pucci,

please make me these gowns.

i'm sure they are the answers to all my problems.

your gowns mean the world to me.

you are one of the most amazing artists of all time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

i've wanted you both from the first time i saw you. *drools*

twenty four

2005-09-26T13:38:31Z

twenty four

this is the day, the day of the cheering competition of all the freshies in miriam. i woke up late so i didn't really get to watch them perform. stupidass. i heard that they were good, too bad they didn't win. whenever i watch them and the others practice, i always thought it was a sure thing. oh well. i didn't really get to watch who won though so i can't really say.

about the other classes, some were really good, some were really off. costumes were amazing, NOTE: shah looked like she was the sixth member in power rangers. some really took things seriously financially that they had matching shirts, jackets and pants. cheerleading music was so repetitive but i enjoyed it anyways, although i doubt if i can still tolerate it. hahah.

i am so not the cheerleading type.

sorry for my holy pride but most of them just showed the "HOLY" SPIRIT. holy people really showed how good holy is in cheering, the works, etc.

who's got spirit? we've got it. ah huh ah huh.

good things came out of this cheering bullshit. block ten got closer. block ten got to know more about each other, and my god, i got to see the people who had talent, real ones. amazing. *slow clap*

it can't just be all good, of course bad came out of the activity too. people got to carried away with competition, some were just too fucked up to begin with, and some just didn't care that they are just big blahs. i guess you can say that their real personas came out. harhar.

when night came, iza and i went to sar's birthday party. we came in late, i guess it was around 9 o' clock and was the party fun or what. clean goody goody parties are so much better that the typical ones. you get to see the better sides of people when they are sober and you get to appreciate the food more. hahahah. thanks sar! dearest! for that awesome birthday bash!

damn i missed deme. we got to talk again after a really long time and i was just really happy when i got to see her. we definitely should do that often. i love you so much anna! umwah!

after that, the night was over for me.

that night, i got to think about last year. september 24, 2004 was just the night that changed my life. who would've thought that a stupid soiree could lead me to who i am now? well, i'm not that melodramatic, but who would've thought that that night would have such a great effect on me? hahah. i enjoyed exchanging looks at ever. i enjoyed having sat next to you and just talking about our favorite NBA team, Lakers. i enjoyed us walking and looking for cigs. i enjoyed how carlo carlos came up to me with his phone in his hand then when i answered it, it was you on the other line. i enjoyed you, asking for my number; and i enjoyed us just texting all night. what's not to like right?

sebubu @ 2005-09-24T00:36:00

2005-09-23T17:43:50Z

Three names you go by:
1. Isa
2. Bubu
3. Is

Three screen names you have had:
1. icha_starfish
2. isa_gumamela *don't ask. i don't know why i put in gumamela also. hahah*
3. _isabella

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. face *i'm vain.. enough said.*
2. my upper body.. from the waist, to the flat tummy all the way up to my collar bone.. *sizzle*
3. skin *fortunately, my skin's really not so bad*

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. nose *damn. it's as flat as my boobies and my butt*
2. legs *all the food i eat go down here, so basically, I got me some fatlegs.*
3. armpits *i don't get them. they don't look good on anybody. hahah*

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Chinese (Papa)
2. Spanish *thus the name, Ma. Isabella Sevilla*
3. a third? hmm.. none that i know of..

Three things that scare you:
1. dying alone
2. having my precious mp3 collection deleted
3. losing my beloveds

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. food *matakaw ako*
2. money *how do i buy the food i want without it?*
3. mp3 player *or anything that fulfills my need for music, enjoy pa kumain lalo.*

Three of your favorite musical artists:
1. I
2. CAN'T
3. CHOOSE JUST THREE, nigga.

Three of your favorite songs:
1. Yeah Yeah Yeah's Maps
2. Thursday's Understanding a Car Crash
3. Eric Satie's Endorphin

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. pure truth
2. openness
3. trust

Three lies and truths in no particular order:

LIES:
1. I am always organized, I swear, I'm a walking organizer.
2. I am the greatest cheerleader in the whole world.
3. I don't love my dog, named Porkchop.

TRUTHS:
1. I don't want to marry.
2. I'm not proud to be a Filipino.
3. I'm autistic.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes *most especially when the most beautiful deep sparkly eyes are ogling at you... oofff*
2. skin *it has to be smooth.*
3. body *need I say more?*

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. soundtripping *i swear. when i listen to music, i have my own world*
2. writing. blogging. whatever. *i got a lot to say and my mind's a big blur.*
3. bowling. *i just love playing, even if I don't do good at it.*

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1. cuddle with my dog, Porkchop.
2. finish STUDYING.
3. lie down, do my meditating, and relax.

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. doctor *i want to be a pediatrician*
2. fashion designer *i've been drawing since forever, yeah, pathetic noh?*
3. model *wishful thinking*

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Philippines *i want to see my own country first.*
2. Morocco
3. Disney HongKong. *Hahah!*

Three kid's names you like:
1. Alfonso *I'm not tripping. I like the name, it has a ring to it.*
2. Maria *Prettyful name.*
3. Isabella *beautiful.*

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. be bald.
2. travel the world.
3. have little Isabellas and Alfonsos. *hahahah!*

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I love to fight. *wrestling matches with my 2 kuyas, boxing with Papa*
2. I love spotting for chicks. *true indeed*
3. I'm agressive. *rarr.*

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. I'm sensitive to all sorts of things.
2. I love gossip.
3. I get kilig-ed when I bump into my crushes, or whenever I see an uber-gwapito. Hahah

Three celeb crushes:
1. railey valeroso
2. josh hartnett
3. rodrigo santoro

THREE people that I would like to see take this quiz:
1. kara *do it right. i'll be reading this.*
2. ziggy *looked up the word zealous - it said enthusiastic, so u shld b enthusiastic when answering this*
3. jan *wla lung. hahah*

i hate this.

2005-09-23T15:13:57Z

It all started with a stupid quote. A quote that sucked so bad because it definitely hit the spot. Whatever intent it was that made Acky send it, it was simply effed up. Seriously.

It was something about thinking twice before leaving someone, because when you realize you miss it and decide to go back to it, you're just going to find out that someone has taken your place.

Effed up.

That quote, knowing that it was sent personally, struck me. It ain't the typical ang-ouch-ng-quote then after reading it you just move it to your quotes folder, it was the oh-shit-that-rip-my heart kind of quote, and it definitely did. Pathetic, I know, getting torn apart by some quote, but it was from him, so it must mean something right?

How to deal, hmm...

I sent some quote saying how I thought that nothing would hurt as much in thinking about a past that was just so hard to forget, and then finding out that something did hurt more than that; and it's fighting for that past and knowing that fighting for it wouldn't change anything.

He then replied telling how that quote was corny, and then and there I wasn't myself anymore. Maybe it was just the fact that I got depressed, or having been intoxicated with food, I then replied and thanked him for making it harder to get over him.

Night then came, and he texted me about wanting to talk about what had happened earlier. I asked him straightforwardly the questions I have been keeping from him for so long. I asked how things got by that fast and what happened. He'd reply asking me why only now that I ask him these, messages telling me that he wasn't sure and all that crap. That he wasn't sure, royt. I asked what he was sure of then, and he tells me that he hasn't thought about it and returns the question to me. I told him that I was sure of one thing : that I want him in my life no matter what, and that I wish that things would just go back to the way they were. He'd tell me that I still am part of his life, and so is he in mine, but he'd repeat over and over again that things can't just happen for us, and that he was just trying to make it up to me. I told him that I knew that already, and so I aked him why. I asked him why he cut me out of his life. I asked him how he was just so non-existent that time, and he told me that it was because of something that pertains to me and his friend. He then told me that he was sleepy and that we'd continue the rest of it the next day, and so, I bid him good night.

I wasn't in that melodramatic stage. Thank God for that. Things were just easier to ask because I just knew that I have got nothing to lose.

Besides, it's Acky.

Enough said.

androgyny

2005-09-18T18:10:47Z

an·drog·y·nous [an drójjənəss]

adj

blending masculine and feminine: neither male nor female in appearance but having both conventional masculine and feminine traits and giving an impression of ambiguous sexual identity